Have you found yourself getting into conflict with your adult children lately? As your children grow up it can be hard to reevaluate your position in their lives. You are used to being a caregiver and someone who provides advice.
When your children become independent you have to get used to a new role in their life. If you find that you’re having some difficulty adjusting and it is causing tension in your relationship, here are a few tips to help defuse the situation.
Respect Boundaries
It is only natural that as your children grow into adults they will pull away a little to try to stand in their own independence and develop maturity. This is something you need to accept and respect.
Accept the new limitations in your relationship as it is likely to pass if you don’t push things. Just be there for them when they need you and try not to be too clingy as this can push them away.
You should never try to make your children feel guilty for asserting their independence from you. It’s normal and natural as mentioned before. Trying to make them feel as if they are neglecting you or hurting you unnecessarily will only alienate them and put barriers in your relationship.
Don’t Give Unsolicited Advice
It can be tempting as a parent to run in and solve all your children’s problems even when they are adults. It is a reflex, it’s what you have always done. When it comes to dealing with your adult children you should always allow them to approach you for advice.
You must resist the temptation to give unsolicited advice as this can cause you to become alienated from your children. Wait for them to ask for your advice before you give it.
This will tell them that you are trusting them to be responsible adults.
Give Positive Feedback
Even though they are grown and asserting their independence, children will always need your positive feedback.
Try to offer positive feedback and praise their successes whenever you can. This will mean a lot to them.
Solve Conflicts Quickly
It is almost inevitable that conflicts will arise at different times between you and your adult children.
Whatever the reasons for the conflict, the best solution is always to try to resolve it as quickly as possible. Sit down and talk with your children honestly and openly about your feelings as well as theirs and try to come to an amicable solution.
If you are finding it difficult to resolve conflicts with your adult children you might want to take a TKI assessment. This type of test will help you to learn your conflict resolution style and help you to find the right way to deal with any conflicts that arise.
Plan Get-Togethers
Planning get-togethers is one of the most important ways to stay close to your adult children. Life can get very busy and it is important that you set aside time where everybody can come together as a family.
This should never be neglected, if this is not done it can cause you to grow apart. While the holidays are always a great time to plan family get-togethers, you should have impromptu meetings as well.
You can plan these get-togethers around certain activities. This will help to keep you close to your children as well as their siblings.
To keep the lines of communication open consider creating family groups on messenger services such as Facebook. This can go a long way in keeping the family close even when you are several miles apart.
Sending messages to each other of encouragement daily or just saying hi in a group is a great way to keep in touch. You can schedule video calls with the entire family and also group telephone calls as well to stay in touch.
Develop Strong Relationships
Creating strong relationships with your adult children is something that every parent wants. As your children grow your relationship with them will evolve as well. By taking the time to adjust your behavior you will dramatically improve your relationship with them.
While it can be challenging, it is something that is doable. All you have to do is carefully consider how you are currently acting and then consciously make an effort to go in another direction.
It may require some discipline but over time you will get the hang of it and will become natural behavior.
